One week and one day away from the book release, and my anxiety is starting to get the best of me. I have spent so much time focusing on the release that I am just now starting to realize that this is only the beginning. The book release and signing mark a start to a journey that begins now and ends only at the end of my life. I am taking a chance, making sacrifices, and attempting to live my dreams come success or failure. And with that being said, I am starting to realize that it is not meant for everyone to come on this journey with me.
The old adeje that some people come into your life for a season, but everyone comes into your life for a reason is the exact sentiment that I feel at this moment. The reality is that I've reached a point where I live and breathe making my dreams come true, and anything that coincides or takes my energy away from that is reaching the end of its season. I have loved and I have lost more than times I would like to recall, but I am more than resilient enough to endure anything that is being thrown my way.
In the past, I have allowed adversity to detour me from my main goal, but I am more than blessed to say that the person that I once was is becoming someone that I "used" to know. Unless you are apart of my support system, you are really a non-factor. My concern is no longer with nurturing friendships that should have been dead or saving relationships that should have expired three seasons ago.
My indifferent attitude may come off as a snobbish callousness and disregard for the feelings of others, but in reality, I care enough to let go and allow people to grow outside of me. At this moment, I really don't have anything else to give to anyone else, because everyday it is a struggle to not succomb to my fear of failure and remain content in my current state of being. I am supposed to be great, I will be great, and I can not continue becoming the person that I am supposed to be without putting my focus on solely me.
While watching "my" Miami Heat secure the championship yesterday, I happened to meet a stranger that said some things that blessed my life. He spoke passionately about always being yourself and was vehement in the fact that he sees success in my future. It is these kinds of conversations that spark my desire to continue pushing. And he even bought a book on the way out the door (my first book sold to a complete stranger). :)
And with all of this being said, it is now time for those in my life to answer that tough question: Are you here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? Whatever your decision may be, no hard feelings, and I wish you the best- I guess.
-Tonia
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
What If
As everything starts to fall into place, I find myself with nervous jitters. What if I fail? What if I don't sell but a handful of books (those being the ones sold to my family and friend fan club)? What if I never make it further than being a local known author? Even great singers don't sell albums and phenomenal athletes haven't went pro....
I can play this what if game all day, and I am still in the process of learning that it doesn't get you anywhere. 6 years later and I am still doubting that its my time, my moment... Maybe because my fear of failure is greater than my desire to succeed. I've been told I'm already one of the best, I've been told my destiny is to go far, and still the butterflies in my stomach have me feeling like maybe I'm not ready yet.
Today I am going to make the decision that come June 29th, I'm capturing my moment and am going to let go and enjoy this journey. Because the reality is, what if I am really as good as the critics say that I am?
Tonia
I can play this what if game all day, and I am still in the process of learning that it doesn't get you anywhere. 6 years later and I am still doubting that its my time, my moment... Maybe because my fear of failure is greater than my desire to succeed. I've been told I'm already one of the best, I've been told my destiny is to go far, and still the butterflies in my stomach have me feeling like maybe I'm not ready yet.
Today I am going to make the decision that come June 29th, I'm capturing my moment and am going to let go and enjoy this journey. Because the reality is, what if I am really as good as the critics say that I am?
Tonia
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Don't Believe Me Just Watch
You know your OCD friend that always stresses over everything and can't seem to function until every detail is in place.... Well, I am that OCD friend. I have a checklist that stretches to the floor of things that need to be done by the book release date, and I am unable to check any of them off at a fast enough rate to make the butterflies in my stomach take a permanent nap.
June 29th will be one of the biggest days of my life, unless I somehow get married within the next month to my fiance that has yet to exist. Yet, as excited as I am, my stomach and my heart are in emotional turmoil worried that something is going to go wrong and spoil "my day." Again, my fear of failure begins to overshadow my desire for success. But just when I feel like I should push back my date and try this journey again when I'm ready, God shows up and shows out like he has the tendency to do in the midst of doubt.
While sitting reviewing my list of things that have yet to be done, I recieved a text from my brother of bible study notes from yesterday. The very first line of those notes read:
Do the ridiculous (follow your dream).
In that moment, my heart smiled because I realize that I am doing the ridiculous in following my dreams, instead of allowing myself to remain content in a career that no longer instills joy. And following that phrase were these powerful points:
1. Don't fear.
2. Don't fret.
3. Don't faint.
4. Don't forget.
"You think you're waiting on him, but he's been waiting on you."
There are many times that we sit and wait for God to answer our prayers, when all that he wants us to do is meet him halfway. You don't appreciate anything that you haven't worked for and shed sweat, blood, and tears to accomplish, so in knowing that I should know that I need to keep my eye on the prize and keep pushing. And as if God knew that I still needed an additional push to get me out of my slump, I called the club owner of the venue for my after party and realized just how easy some things are going to be because of the people that have been placed in my life. I called him to figure out just what else I needed to add to my ever growing list, and instead of having to pull out my Ipad, I was politely, yet sternly told, the only thing you need to worry about is showing up.
Every now and then I have to remember that serenity can come through prayer and ask God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. June 29th is going to be the phenomenal day that it is supposed to be, and if you don't believe me just watch.
June 29th will be one of the biggest days of my life, unless I somehow get married within the next month to my fiance that has yet to exist. Yet, as excited as I am, my stomach and my heart are in emotional turmoil worried that something is going to go wrong and spoil "my day." Again, my fear of failure begins to overshadow my desire for success. But just when I feel like I should push back my date and try this journey again when I'm ready, God shows up and shows out like he has the tendency to do in the midst of doubt.
While sitting reviewing my list of things that have yet to be done, I recieved a text from my brother of bible study notes from yesterday. The very first line of those notes read:
Do the ridiculous (follow your dream).
In that moment, my heart smiled because I realize that I am doing the ridiculous in following my dreams, instead of allowing myself to remain content in a career that no longer instills joy. And following that phrase were these powerful points:
1. Don't fear.
2. Don't fret.
3. Don't faint.
4. Don't forget.
"You think you're waiting on him, but he's been waiting on you."
There are many times that we sit and wait for God to answer our prayers, when all that he wants us to do is meet him halfway. You don't appreciate anything that you haven't worked for and shed sweat, blood, and tears to accomplish, so in knowing that I should know that I need to keep my eye on the prize and keep pushing. And as if God knew that I still needed an additional push to get me out of my slump, I called the club owner of the venue for my after party and realized just how easy some things are going to be because of the people that have been placed in my life. I called him to figure out just what else I needed to add to my ever growing list, and instead of having to pull out my Ipad, I was politely, yet sternly told, the only thing you need to worry about is showing up.
Every now and then I have to remember that serenity can come through prayer and ask God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. June 29th is going to be the phenomenal day that it is supposed to be, and if you don't believe me just watch.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Never Would Have Made It
I can not continue this journey without getting this off my chest, and I am honestly almost in tears thinking about the blessings that God has bestowed upon me. There have been many times when I have not understood my struggles and my trials and tribulations,but it is all starting to become crystal clear. I would not be who I am or be able to write some of the things that I am able to write without the things that I have been through... And through it all God has placed some phenomenal people in my life... Even the ones that only made it for a season were here for a reason.
Since I have actually started to focus on publishing my first book, I have received so many thoughtful emails, text, phone calls, words of encouragement, comments on social networks, etc., and those are the things that keep me going. On the days when I doubt myself, those seem to be the days that I receive the most support.
I don't care what anyone says, I am nothing without my support system of family, friends, and even acquaintances that have given me the courage to keep striving to reach my goals. When I post #nonewfriends it is not because I don't value the entity of friendship, it is because God has blessed me with friends that have been there through hell and high water when I thought I wasn't good enough, strong enough, wise enough, brave enough...
Whether you have sent a text or email, said a kind word, read or edited a draft (there are so many of you), plan to buy a book, or simply just liked or commented on a social network, just know that I never would have made it without you.
Tonia
Since I have actually started to focus on publishing my first book, I have received so many thoughtful emails, text, phone calls, words of encouragement, comments on social networks, etc., and those are the things that keep me going. On the days when I doubt myself, those seem to be the days that I receive the most support.
I don't care what anyone says, I am nothing without my support system of family, friends, and even acquaintances that have given me the courage to keep striving to reach my goals. When I post #nonewfriends it is not because I don't value the entity of friendship, it is because God has blessed me with friends that have been there through hell and high water when I thought I wasn't good enough, strong enough, wise enough, brave enough...
Whether you have sent a text or email, said a kind word, read or edited a draft (there are so many of you), plan to buy a book, or simply just liked or commented on a social network, just know that I never would have made it without you.
Tonia
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
A Graphic Struggle
You write a book, wade your way through the self-publishing process (sometimes drowning), and just when you think you are nearing the finish line you realize: I still need a damn book cover. FML! And then you realize that since you haven't given a second thought to your book cover, you don't have a clue what to put on the front of your novel. I know that the old saying is, "Don't judge a book by its cover," but that is far from the truth. Before many readers even think to give me chance, they will have already judged me by the cover of my book.
I started the graphic designer struggle way back in January, and it has been a very trying journey to find the design that appealed to my senses as a writer and reader. I have stressed (almost cried), pulled my hair out (my weave anyway), and was at witts end just trying to make someone see what I saw in my head. I mean, it can't be that hard to read my mind right? It wasn't working, and I had started to think I would have a book without a cover.
Two weeks ago, thanks to the assistance of my brother, I was connected with the designer that would be able to take my vision and bring it to life. As of today, my graphics have been finalized, and another milestone in this process has been passed with flying colors. June 29th, I am ready for you, but are you ready for me? #FashionablyDeceptiveComingSoon
Tonia
I started the graphic designer struggle way back in January, and it has been a very trying journey to find the design that appealed to my senses as a writer and reader. I have stressed (almost cried), pulled my hair out (my weave anyway), and was at witts end just trying to make someone see what I saw in my head. I mean, it can't be that hard to read my mind right? It wasn't working, and I had started to think I would have a book without a cover.
Two weeks ago, thanks to the assistance of my brother, I was connected with the designer that would be able to take my vision and bring it to life. As of today, my graphics have been finalized, and another milestone in this process has been passed with flying colors. June 29th, I am ready for you, but are you ready for me? #FashionablyDeceptiveComingSoon
Monday, April 29, 2013
All in the Design
This journey started in 2007, and the fact that it is 2013, and I am just now publishing Fashionably Deceptive (I wish that I could insert a clenched teeth emoji). Even with the bittersweet realization that this journey should have been started, completed, and in phase 10, I realize that everything happens when it is supposed to happen. Even though, we would like to believe that we are the masters of our own destiny, the fact is that things happen when they are destined to happen.
Today I received the graphics for Fashionably Deceptive, and I could not have been more impressed. It has been a long journey, paved with a bumpy road of graphic designers, and I have finally found one that was able to take my vision and put it in print. Fashionably Deceptive is no longer just a manuscript on my computer and is slowly manifesting itself into the masterpeice that I know it has the potential to become. I don't know where this journey is going to take me, but I know that my successes and failures have already been written into the design of my life. It is just up to me be brave enough to accept that even if I don't become the next Essence Bestselling Author, I tried it and gave it my all.
Tonia
Today I received the graphics for Fashionably Deceptive, and I could not have been more impressed. It has been a long journey, paved with a bumpy road of graphic designers, and I have finally found one that was able to take my vision and put it in print. Fashionably Deceptive is no longer just a manuscript on my computer and is slowly manifesting itself into the masterpeice that I know it has the potential to become. I don't know where this journey is going to take me, but I know that my successes and failures have already been written into the design of my life. It is just up to me be brave enough to accept that even if I don't become the next Essence Bestselling Author, I tried it and gave it my all.
Tonia
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