What's Your Fit

"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.

-Sir Winston Churchill

By now, you probably know that I frequently straddle the fence between saint and sinner, and on more days than I care to admit, I sometimes allow both legs to hit the darker side full throttle.  I'm a thrill seeker and a typical Sagittarius that doesn't know a life without pushing boundaries. However, this morning I awoke surprisingly early (10:00am is early to me), after a night filled with many libations, with a heart that longed to hear the word.  I wish that I could embellish my story and say I got fresh to death and headed to the holy house, but it's 2015.  So, I more like pulled on a tshirt, because I think it is blasphemy to watch church in the nude, and tuned into my local pastor via live streaming.

Ever since I finished The Alchemist, I have been more in tune with the signs of the universe and the reasons that people are brought into my life.  I'm also more cognizant of the things and people that I allow to consume my time and the role that they play in the overall picture: fulfilling my destiny.  So, today's sermon came right on time.

The title of today's sermon, "What is your fit," coincided perfectly with my current sentiments about life.  What is my destiny and what steps am I taking to fulfill it?  And one of the key points that resonated for me was leadership comes from great collaboration.  You can not be at the top of your game in any arena of life without having great minds with which to collaborate.  And it was that point that led to today's epiphany.

I am a critical thinker and an analyzer.  And I'm also slightly imaginative and delusional, hence the reason I write fiction, anything goes for a great story.  With that being said, I often come to these grand conclusions, especially with my current mindset, about why certain people with certain attributes seem to come into my life at certain times.  Sometimes I chuckle and have to thank God for not allowing me to get caught up with that select few of unambitious men that I knew I wanted to marry when it was "our" season.  Thank you God for your sense of discernment, when I clearly had none, because I know I fought you tooth and nail to hold on to some of those niggas.  However, in my last post, I spoke of the men that are currently in my life, and how they all seem to fit the same mold.  And today, it all began to make sense.

In the words of my pastor, "One thing I've never seen is God NOT show up (even when we wanted him to mind his own business)." And when he shows up (stomp 3 times), you know he likes to show out.  I realized today that I haven't finished a book since 2011.  I've done some editing and some updates, here and there, but for the most part all of my books were finished years ago.  And as much as I love to write and will start random novels here and there, I have not finished a single book since Punishment is Due (my next release).  That means that for over 3 years, I have just been sitting on my gift.  Readers all over the country are acknowledging my talent, and I don't have anything to give them after I release Punishment is Due this summer.  Nothing.  Nothing at all.

So, a few months ago, God brought "him" back into my life.  We've always had a special connection, but it wasn't until he moved back to Houston that we were able to actually spend more time together and establish the deeper bond that comes from close proximity.  However, I still didn't get what God was doing in my life.  Then almost simultaneously a couple of months ago, he sent 2 more men, that are almost just as passionate about their gifts as "him" and spend just as many hours living and breathing life into their dreams, foregoing sleep to fulfill their destinies.  And today, it all began to make sense.  Your team fuels your dream...Let that resonate for a second.  Being surrounded by this team of successful men, that all came from nothing, but that are making their dreams come true, makes you want to start producing and creating and training for leaving your legacy on the world.  Many people fear dying and leaving their family behind or dying of a debilitating illness, etc, but my greatest fear is dying without reaching my pinnacle of success and leaving behind the type of legacy that has people talking for years to come... Not a Monica Lewinsky type legacy, but a Maya Angelou type legacy.  I will not settle for anything less.

And what God has done is given me a team that inspires, that motivates, that creates, and that won't settle for anything less than greatness.  I might not know my exact fit yet, but believe me when I say, 2015 is about to be a hell of a year. #StayTuned

Trust Issues Part 3

I consider myself to be a planner... I'm organized, I'm a control freak, and I walk around with my Erin Condren Life Planner attached to my hip like it's a vital artery.  But every now and then life likes to throw you a curve ball. A curve ball that always seem to come at moments when they are least expected.  2015 is supposed to be about stability, business ownership, and creating a solid brand, and somehow I have ended up with a starting lineup of potential "baes." Like I really needed to complicate my love life.... I've continuously joked about the grandiose engagement that was going to occur near my 30th birthday, and not even 30 days into 2015, and I've lost my mind, my focus, and my celibacy.  And the crazy thing is that, I also am starting to feel like I'm slowly drifting away from "him" even though, ironically, I've seen and talked to him more this year than I did the entire second half of 2014. I knew that we were finally on the path to getting it together....And then ....

I've always feared that somehow life would always pull us together at the most inopportune times...  And he's let someone come into the mix that is slowly stealing my interest and that will possibly steal my heart. As much as I like to have control over my surroundings, I have a built in desire to play with fire.  And this new one (clenched teeth emoji)... He has ignited something that I have not felt in a long time... In all honesty, they are so much alike professionally, that's it's starting to look like I've found my "type", but there is one thing that this new one has that he doesn't ... A passion. He's an artist, we are artist, and when two creative souls connect, there's always hot, steamy fire and desire. #StayTuned