Over the weekend, I released my second novel, A Fashionable Revelation, and I am still beaming from ear to ear. The set up was amazing, the food was delicious, and the support was more than I could have ever imagined. There were so many individuals that came together to help make this event a success, and I am forever grateful. 100 plus people in one spot drinking, laughing, and celebrating one of your accomplishments....Yeah, it was a pretty great night. And considering I also celebrated my birthday a few days ago, 29 is starting off pretty great. I must admit that lately I have been feeling as if success is imminent.
In between picking up last minute things for the book release and enjoying the holiday with my family, I somehow had time last week to read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Let me start off by saying that I attempted to read this very book for a scholarship over a decade ago, and I hadn't picked it up since... However, it always seems like God knows how to put what you need in your face when you need it to help convey his message.
Lately, I have been experiencing a tingling in my soul that I can not explain. A tingling that I can only explain as anticipation for unforeseen great things to come. And with that tingling, my self doubt has been at an all time low. Usually before a big event, I'm worried about whether everything is going to come together in time, will the turnout be bigger than the last event, will everyone have a good time, etc. However, this time around it was almost like God was saying, "Be easy child, I got you." I didn't stress when my book had to go back through re-editing, or when I didn't have books 2 days before the event, or even when my RSVPs exceeded the number of books that I had ordered. I sometimes complain about not being able to "hear" God, but I can say that I am definitely feeling him. And this time, I decided to be still and just let him lead. And when I decided to sit back and just listen, that book that I couldn't relate to umpteen years ago started speaking life into my own.
I always feel like I need to be in control of everything that occurs and have a hard time sitting back and just allowing things to manifest. In no way am I saying remain complacent and succumb to mediocrity, but learn to relinquish control over the things outside of our control and just trust that there are forces bigger than you at work. I have cried and prayed over not finding a Counselor position for this school year, stressed over not knowing whether these books sales and reviews will surpass Fashionably Deceptive, and secretly mourned for a man that was never mine. And then out of nowhere, I began experiencing a calm that has yet to lift. I'm starting to realize that the odds are not stacked against me and that maybe I haven't received some of the blessings that I knew were mine because those were not the blessings reserved for me. Instead of pitying myself when things don't go according to "my" plan, I'm starting to realize that "his" plan includes some lessons, bumps, and bruises that are preparing me for the finale. It's a hell of a feeling to be excited about blessings that you haven't even got yet but that you can feel on the horizon.
I no longer believe that fate controls my life and that I have to be content with mediocrity when blessings don't come when I want them. I now know that it is because God knew I wasn't ready. I no longer believe that God is allowing the devil to personally attack my blessings. I now know that in order to realize your dreams, you must master your lessons as God has a tendency to test you on everything you should be learning along the way. You can't get your penthouse if you are still struggling managing your apartment. You're not getting your Lance Gross, if you are still around here messing with..... (That was a holy shout moment, in case you missed it #thankmelater)
I am a work in progress. I am still learning, still growing, still may fall short at times, but this tingling that I feel.... All I can say is #StayTuned