Friday, May 30, 2014

Fear of Falling

It has been over a year since the launch of my debut novel, Fashionably Deceptive, and I vowed to not be the author that takes decades to release their sequel (especially since the sequel has already been written), but yet, I have somehow ended up in that boat. 

Every email from an awaiting fan pulls on my heartstrings and causes a case of nostalgia to creep into my spirit.  On top of being a writer, I have a career in education, and as searching for a Counseling position becomes increasingly disheartening due to a lack of available positions and connects, I find the date of my next book release being pushed further and further into oblivion.

My days and nightmares have become consumed with updating cover letters, printing out resumes, and submitting applications.  The thought of remaining stagnant causes dry heaves and a throbbing headache that does not subside for hours. 

I can admit that my spirituality and faith sometimes come under questioning, rightfully so. I can also admit that I don't know or understand what's next in my journey ... I'm over qualified, more than competent, a decent person, and know that I could and would make a difference if given the opportunity in a new position ... God, please lead my footsteps, because I'm okay with admitting I don't know what you want from me. 

I feel lost in an abyss, sailing through a sea of grey, when my mind can only understand black and white. Speak to me God.... I'm listening. 

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