Living Life Tour

"Not all those who wander are lost." -J.R.R. Tolkien

If you follow me on social media, you have probably observed the use of my latest hashtag #livinglifetour.  Even though I've always been an avid traveler, this summer I decided to embark on an 18 day journey across Europe before the celebration of my 30th birthday.  After months of planning, this trip has finally begun, and I can't wait to share some of the best memories with you on this blog.

Stonehenge (London).

Platform 9 3/4 (London).

Putney (London).

Amy Winehouse's Apartment (London).

Tribute (London).

Eiffel Tower (Paris).

Arc de Triumphe (Paris).

Versailles (Paris).

Notre Dame (Paris).

The Grand Canal (Venice).

Gondola Ride (Venice).

Wine and Dine. (Florence)

Tuscan Steak. (Florence)

The Death Walk. (Florence)

Wine Tasting. (Florence)

Entertainment. (Florence)

Firenze. (Florence)

Colosseum. (Rome)

Vatican City. (Rome)

#VuelingSucks.

Tradition. (Athens)

Parthenon. (Athens)

Agora. (Athens)

Pompeii.

Lunch. (Mykonos)

Perfect. (Mykonos)

Super Paradise. (Mykonos)

Crete.

Michael. (Crete)

ATV Life. (Santorini)

Ultimate Fail. (Santorini)

Below are my thoughts on each city:

London

I think I've found my new home away from home.  London was similar to big cities in "America", but the people, food, and culture were absolutely amazing! From visiting Buckingham palace, to purchasing tea at Fortnum and Mason, to eating at Nandos (Rihanna's favorite restaurant), London is a unique mix of the historic with the modern (and everyone speaks English).  Even though I flew through pounds like I had a press in my backpack,  I can't wait to visit again.  And I'm sure it will be sooner rather than later.  One of the most memorable moments from London was being able to stand outside of the gate of the late Amy Winehouse's home in Camden.  Amy will always remain one of my favs that gained her wings well before we were ready to see her go, and the tribute from her fans in front of her apartment touched my heart to its core.  I had intentions to see her recently released biopic in London before our departure, but unfortunately, time was not on our side.

Paris

Before the start of this trip, I knew that Paris would steal my heart, but it did nothing of the sort.  While the sights were breathtaking and the food delicious, the anti-American and anti-hygenic people of the city left a lot to be desired.  I've honestly never been to a city filled with such foul attitudes accompanied by foul smelling people.  I just believe in picking a struggle, you can't have a nasty attitude and nasty smelling body.  From the rancid smells to the lack of participating English speaking French people, a lot was left to be desired.  However, there was one highlight that saved Paris from being nixed off of my travel in the future list.  Versailles.  As a Marie Antoinette fanatic, I was more than stoked to walk the halls of the historic, yet still breathtaking Versailles, even though we only had 30 minutes to navigate due to a time restricted tour and crowd at capacity.  I can't wait to go back and revisit on a less crowded day and view it in all of its splendor.  

Cognac

"Every cognac is a brandy, but not every brandy is a cognac."

From the moment I discovered that all cognac comes from a small town outside of Paris (or else it is brandy and not cognac), I knew that this was one place that I had to visit.  And where Paris lacked in American enthusiasm, Cognac opened its warm arms and grasped a place in my heart.  Jayne, our experienced tour guide, arranged informative tours and cognac sampling at Courvoisier, Remy Martin, and Camus (Hennessy is closed for renovations), three of the world's top 5 cognacs, and we embarked on a journey of cognac 101.  I'm not sure whether my extreme happiness at the end of this tour was dedicated to my cognac consumption or excitement in finally meeting some nice people in France, but I look forward to one day revisiting with my brothers and/or male counterpart.

Venice

It was hot. I got lost.

Florence

I think I've found my favorite European city thus far.  From the people, to discovering Tuscan steak, to the picturesque landscape and the natural beauty of structures that have survived the test of time, Florence stole my heart.  And while discussing Florence, I must talk about 2 noteworthy experiences.  On our first night in Florence, we partook in a lovely feast in the Tuscan hills.  This entire European trip has been filled with various tours from many different companies, but this one stole the show.  We were treated to a 4 course meal with 4 wine selections, and both the chef and host were extremely personable and entertaining.  Personally, I think that the host had been sipping some "vino" himself, but hey, what's Italy without a little wine.  It was at this beautiful farmhouse in the hills that we discovered the Tuscan peoples love for steak and the beginning of the end for my delight in American cuisine.  The link for this tour is below, and I'm sure that the price won't stay this low for long.  If you're ever in Florence, I would recommend it with 5 stars:

http://www.viator.com/tours/Florence/Wine-and-Dine-in-the-Tuscan-Countryside-Including-a-Night-Tour-of-Florence/d519-5070WINEDINE

What this tour overcompensated for in good cheer and delicious cuisine, our second tour in Tuscany almost sent me packing.  Since every Chianti daytime wine tour was sold out, I found a tour that involved an easy-medium walk of Florence and included a wine tasting at an exclusive Tuscan villa in the hills.  When the tour guide showed up in full workout gear with us being the only three patrons, I should have known that we were in deep trouble.  We shall call this tour the "Death Walk."  After hiking up 140 steps (no exaggeration) and up the Tuscan hills through winding roads that often required us to clutch the wall to prevent becoming road kill, we finally made it to the villa.  While the villa was just as beautiful as described and the wine and food pairing were superb,  we definitely caught a taxi back home.  Easy-medium walk my ass.

Rome

How does the old adage go?  When in Rome, do what the Romans do....  If that involves eating a lot of pizza, doing a lot of drinking, becoming a Gelato connessieur, and being one hell of a foot soldier, call me Roman.  There were so many architectural marvels in Rome, with the Colosseum being the one that stopped my heart.  Standing outside this majestic structure, I could hear the crowd cheers as the gladiators fought to their deaths.  Like really, I'm serious!  But even with all of the marvel that the Colosseum had to offer, I'm sure that my favorite would have been the Trevi Fountain.  And I say would have been, because of course, it is still under construction.  However, I still made my wish.  *shrugs


Pompeii

While our first day in Rome was spent sight seeing, day 2 was dedicated to seeing the ruins of the once glamorous city known as Pompeii.  I think that the only city that intrigues me more than Pompeii, would be the city of Atlantis (whether mythical or not).  Needless to say, our tour of Pompeii was not only informative, but hilarious.  Not only was Pompeii a city of fine architecture and riches, but also a city of brothels where gay sex was the norm.  And to think, our society likes to think that we are in the end of days.  The sins of man haven't changed, just the way in which they are cloaked.  Let that sink in for a moment, it's deep, I know.

Athens

Let me start off by saying, our stay in Athens was rough.  It is a shame that our stay in this marvel of a city had to be marred by a traveler's worst nightmare... Lost luggage.  In the matter of a one way flight via Vueling Airlines, you can go from being best dressed to struggling choosing supermarket panties and deciding how to recycle today's outfit for tomorrow.  I spent my first day in Athens trying to keep the group's spirits up and trying not to succumb to the fear of our luggage being forever lost in oblivion.  However, we eventually sucked it up, hand washed our drawers, and handled it like some champs.

Since a day was wasted wallowing in our feelings, my time in Athens was minimal.  However, I did get to marvel at the city view from the top of the Acropolis (after almost sliding to my death due to the lack of grip on my converse and muscles in my legs) and find my favorite restaurant of the entire trip, Agora.  I'm not usually big on repeating restaurants, especially in a new city, but the staff and food was so good, that we made it a point to return the second night.  And the free fruit, ice cream, and shots at the end of each meal, only sealed the deal.

Let me not forget to add that we were also able to find some good deals on clothes at the mall in Athens.  Due to the $50s per day we were given for each day our luggage were lost, we were able to find some steals to hold us over for a few days.  I spent $100 and was able to replace most of my necessary toiletries and get 2 swimsuits, 2 pairs of sandals, 3 dresses, 2 shirts, and a skirt thanks to the end of summer/recession sale at H&M.  Won't he do it!

Mykonos

If there was one place I wish I could have experienced in my early 20's, it would have to be the Mykonos, my second favorite place of the entire trip.  The beaches were beautiful, the people were friendly, and the party scene rivaled anything I've encountered in the past 29 years (and I like to party).  From champagne showers to gorgeous Italian men that clearly liked black women, Mykonos owes me nothing (but a new liver).  If only for one city this trip, I was able to be my usual "free spirit with a wild heart" self and just live, live like no one was watching. We drank, we partied, and we drank some more.  And it was in Mykonos that we became one of the few Vueling customers to ever recover their lost luggage.  Perfect ending, right?

Crete

From the Mykonos, we traveled via ferry to the largest island in Greece, Crete.  While we arrived in Heraklion, I opted for our group to stay in a small village about 20 minutes from the city known as Archanes.  Crete was the portion of our trip where we could just let our hair down, rest our tired toes, and just chill and marvel in the beauty of our travels.  And that is exactly what we did.  Within 24 hours of arriving in Archanes, we had become one with the locals, including one of the only two taxi drivers, Katerina.  If you're ever in Archanes and need a driver, call her (0030)6944-232224.

In Archanes, life takes place in the city's square, which was a short trot down the hill from our residence house.  In the square, you could find your restaurants and bars and mingle with the city "folks."  And at the end of each meal, they resumed the tradition of not allowing us to leave without enjoying complimentary shots, fresh fruit, and dessert.

Santorini

I've always said that my perfect honeymoon destination was going to be Bora Bora... Well, that was before we took a day trip to Santorini.  Santorini was everything that every picture has every shown, and it was the epitome of the beauty of Greece and all of its marvels.  From the white buildings, to the blue beaches, to the rolling cliffs, my only regret is only being able to spend one day enjoying it's beauty.

Instead of opting for a traditional tour, I was able to talk my traveling compadres into renting ATVS to tour the island like some bosses.  Until you've zipped through cliffs without barriers at high rates of speed without a map or care in the world, I'm going to venture to say maybe you haven't lived.  Before this trip, I might have been the ride on an ATV behind her man kind of girl, but thanks to this trip, I'm now the get your own and meet my ass at the top kind of woman.  Hell of a difference....

End Notes

I started this 18 day "sabbatical" with a heavy heart and a wounded spirit with a slight vendetta with God.  So many doors have recently been closed in my face, without rhyme or reason, and I was beginning to doubt my purpose, or whether I even served a purpose.  I came to Europe looking for my muse...  the potion to heal my wounded heart and ego.  And I left with so much more... Not only did I find my muse, but a renewed lust for life, and a better understanding of why sometimes God has to make you uncomfortable to allow your true purpose to shine through.  I'm back focused, and all I can say is thank you God.  Thank you for the traveling grace, thank you for the trials, and thank you for putting me on the right track to finding myself.

-Tonia

International Day of Happiness - 3/20

"If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you."  -Lao Tzu

Many times, because we are human, we allow ourselves to dwell on the negative and not the positive things that occur in our lives on a daily basis.  Even on our worst day, God gives us something in which we should just say thank you.  Below are ten things that are currently the source of my happiness:

1. I am currently working on some projects that are going to set me apart from any other new authors right now.  It's always exciting when you have a strike of genius.
2. My debut novel, Fashionably Deceptive, is almost at 100 reviews.  
3. My family is gaining back the closeness that we had lost, and it is refreshing.
4. Punishment is Due, my next novel, will be headed to editing soon for a July release.  
5. St. Paddy's Day was this week, and I partied like a rock star.
6. My siblings are absolutely phenomenal, and each possesses qualities that make me a better person.
7. I just love the Oliver-Davis's.
8. I haven't completed a book since 2011, but I recently got my mojo back and am halfway done with the 3rd and final book in the Fashionably Deceptive series.
9. My non-profit will be launching in less than 30 days.  I refuse to be great and not be able to make a difference.
10. The planning for my trip to Europe is coming along, and it is destined to be the trip of a lifetime.  

-Tonia

The Reason for it All

"The purpose of life is to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have it make some difference that we lived at all."
-Leo Buscaglia

Once upon a time, I lived for other people.  Their feelings, their lives, their beliefs, their needs, all influenced my life.  When they hurt, I hurt, when they failed, I felt their pain, and when they were at rock bottom, I was willing to lose myself trying to save them.  And then, one day, I realized that while I was shouldering the weight of their world on my shoulders, I was losing myself in the process.  And when I finally collapsed under the weight of their trials, they were never the ones there to save me.  Over and over again, I faced the same lessons, I save, I mold, I make you the best you, and in the process, I lose a part of my soul.  I've said it numerous times and will restate it again and again, God will give you the same test until you learn to pass it. And I had to fail that heaux over and over again before a light a bulb finally came on.

I spent much of my 20s learning and growing and making some of the same mistakes over and over, losing sight of what really mattered.  I've always been destined for greatness, and excelling in my passions has always come with ease.  I was the kid that never studied and excelled, the young adult that's worst is better than most people's best, and the woman that can conquer the world if I put my mind to it.  Not arrogant, just aware of my God given talents.  But I've also always been the woman that wears her heart on her sleeves and on more than one occasion, a man has almost been the reason why I allowed myself to wallow in self pity and stop reaching for the stars.

One of the hardest things about blogging about my life is that I'm fairly private.  Even my closest friends only know what I choose to tell them.  I choose to carry my own baggage in silence because I know what it's like to carry the weight of someone elses.  I never want anyone to hurt with me or because of me, and even deeper than that, I never want to be the source of anyone's pity.

However recently, I had the epiphany of all epiphanies.  Why do we allow ourselves to worry about things and people that don't really matter?  That goes for the men, the day to day nuisances of life, the minor trials, the tribulations.... That goes for it all.  If it's not going to matter 10 years from now, why do we allow it to matter today?

I'm not immune from crying.  I'm not immune from pain.  I'm not immune from hurting, because I am human.  But what I am immune from is allowing someone else's BS to dictate my life and make me feel like less of a woman.  My purpose in life is so much bigger than any relationship, any stressors associated with a 9-5 job, any  drama that is not my own... I'm just out here chasing the reason for it all, and that's the only thing that matters.  Keep the main thing, the main thing, and that main thing is greatness.

-Tonia

Free at Last

"The hottest love always has the coldest end." -Drake

If you would have asked me if I was over him, I would have told you, yes.  I didn't have any contact with him, I'd suppressed all thoughts of him, and I refused to speak of him, good or bad.  I was done, literally and figuratively, block listed his ass from my phone and my heart....as so I thought.  And then I ran into him, a year later, unprepared, and in the most unlikeliest of places.

Neither of us are big club people, even though we have both been known to party with the best of them.  So, every now and again, we allow our friends to drag us out for a night of drunken fun and barely memorable shenanigans.  The other night was not an exception.  After making sure my hair and makeup were on fleek, and my outfit snatched, I stepped out for a night with the girls.  And in the midst of dancing and drinking, I was literally hit with a blast from my past.  I don't know who spotted who first, but I do know there was enough starring going back and forth for one of my friends to finally say, "Do you know him?"

First, let me say, we both have a group of close friends that we usually hang around, however, neither of us happened to be with that group of friends that night.  And had we have been with the usual, I definitely don't think that the night would have began or ended in the same manner.  Low key, since I discovered that I was still resentful, it might have ended in drunken blows, or with another missed opportunity to say all of the things that should have been said long before that night.

I hadn't seen him in over a year, and our situationship had ended long before that, but laying eyes on him stirred up all of the emotions that I thought I no longer felt.  It is putting it lightly to say that our situation was passionate and intense from the beginning.  We fought and we f*cked, and then we repeated the cycle.  We cared deeply for one another, but we didn't talk, we allowed everything to reach tipping point, and maybe assumed that good sex would smooth everything over.  Drake said it best, "The hottest love has the coldest end."  And one day it all blew up.  He moved on, literally and figuratively... I didn't, and while it hurt, it just was, and I accepted it, and push it to the furthest realms of my mind.

And then, at the bar of this club that neither of us had ever been too, we met, again.  My first inclination was to pretend that we hadn't been meeting each other's eyes and to just avoid any contact with him.  But that plan was quickly nixed by a quick girl's trip to the restroom.  Our eyes met, and this time, he decided to be the bigger person and initiate the conversation.  It's almost ironic that in a place usually filled with ill intentions, I was able to make peace with a man that I used to love.

I didn't know that the apology mattered, I didn't realize I needed to know that he still cared, I didn't care to ever consider that maybe he had loved me too (even if I loved him more)....  We shared a night, a night that I will never regret, and from that night, I gained the one thing I didn't even know I had been missing.  Peace.

What's Your Fit

"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.

-Sir Winston Churchill

By now, you probably know that I frequently straddle the fence between saint and sinner, and on more days than I care to admit, I sometimes allow both legs to hit the darker side full throttle.  I'm a thrill seeker and a typical Sagittarius that doesn't know a life without pushing boundaries. However, this morning I awoke surprisingly early (10:00am is early to me), after a night filled with many libations, with a heart that longed to hear the word.  I wish that I could embellish my story and say I got fresh to death and headed to the holy house, but it's 2015.  So, I more like pulled on a tshirt, because I think it is blasphemy to watch church in the nude, and tuned into my local pastor via live streaming.

Ever since I finished The Alchemist, I have been more in tune with the signs of the universe and the reasons that people are brought into my life.  I'm also more cognizant of the things and people that I allow to consume my time and the role that they play in the overall picture: fulfilling my destiny.  So, today's sermon came right on time.

The title of today's sermon, "What is your fit," coincided perfectly with my current sentiments about life.  What is my destiny and what steps am I taking to fulfill it?  And one of the key points that resonated for me was leadership comes from great collaboration.  You can not be at the top of your game in any arena of life without having great minds with which to collaborate.  And it was that point that led to today's epiphany.

I am a critical thinker and an analyzer.  And I'm also slightly imaginative and delusional, hence the reason I write fiction, anything goes for a great story.  With that being said, I often come to these grand conclusions, especially with my current mindset, about why certain people with certain attributes seem to come into my life at certain times.  Sometimes I chuckle and have to thank God for not allowing me to get caught up with that select few of unambitious men that I knew I wanted to marry when it was "our" season.  Thank you God for your sense of discernment, when I clearly had none, because I know I fought you tooth and nail to hold on to some of those niggas.  However, in my last post, I spoke of the men that are currently in my life, and how they all seem to fit the same mold.  And today, it all began to make sense.

In the words of my pastor, "One thing I've never seen is God NOT show up (even when we wanted him to mind his own business)." And when he shows up (stomp 3 times), you know he likes to show out.  I realized today that I haven't finished a book since 2011.  I've done some editing and some updates, here and there, but for the most part all of my books were finished years ago.  And as much as I love to write and will start random novels here and there, I have not finished a single book since Punishment is Due (my next release).  That means that for over 3 years, I have just been sitting on my gift.  Readers all over the country are acknowledging my talent, and I don't have anything to give them after I release Punishment is Due this summer.  Nothing.  Nothing at all.

So, a few months ago, God brought "him" back into my life.  We've always had a special connection, but it wasn't until he moved back to Houston that we were able to actually spend more time together and establish the deeper bond that comes from close proximity.  However, I still didn't get what God was doing in my life.  Then almost simultaneously a couple of months ago, he sent 2 more men, that are almost just as passionate about their gifts as "him" and spend just as many hours living and breathing life into their dreams, foregoing sleep to fulfill their destinies.  And today, it all began to make sense.  Your team fuels your dream...Let that resonate for a second.  Being surrounded by this team of successful men, that all came from nothing, but that are making their dreams come true, makes you want to start producing and creating and training for leaving your legacy on the world.  Many people fear dying and leaving their family behind or dying of a debilitating illness, etc, but my greatest fear is dying without reaching my pinnacle of success and leaving behind the type of legacy that has people talking for years to come... Not a Monica Lewinsky type legacy, but a Maya Angelou type legacy.  I will not settle for anything less.

And what God has done is given me a team that inspires, that motivates, that creates, and that won't settle for anything less than greatness.  I might not know my exact fit yet, but believe me when I say, 2015 is about to be a hell of a year. #StayTuned

Trust Issues Part 3

I consider myself to be a planner... I'm organized, I'm a control freak, and I walk around with my Erin Condren Life Planner attached to my hip like it's a vital artery.  But every now and then life likes to throw you a curve ball. A curve ball that always seem to come at moments when they are least expected.  2015 is supposed to be about stability, business ownership, and creating a solid brand, and somehow I have ended up with a starting lineup of potential "baes." Like I really needed to complicate my love life.... I've continuously joked about the grandiose engagement that was going to occur near my 30th birthday, and not even 30 days into 2015, and I've lost my mind, my focus, and my celibacy.  And the crazy thing is that, I also am starting to feel like I'm slowly drifting away from "him" even though, ironically, I've seen and talked to him more this year than I did the entire second half of 2014. I knew that we were finally on the path to getting it together....And then ....

I've always feared that somehow life would always pull us together at the most inopportune times...  And he's let someone come into the mix that is slowly stealing my interest and that will possibly steal my heart. As much as I like to have control over my surroundings, I have a built in desire to play with fire.  And this new one (clenched teeth emoji)... He has ignited something that I have not felt in a long time... In all honesty, they are so much alike professionally, that's it's starting to look like I've found my "type", but there is one thing that this new one has that he doesn't ... A passion. He's an artist, we are artist, and when two creative souls connect, there's always hot, steamy fire and desire. #StayTuned 

#StayTuned

Over the weekend, I released my second novel, A Fashionable Revelation, and I am still beaming from ear to ear.  The set up was amazing, the food was delicious, and the support was more than I could have ever imagined.  There were so many individuals that came together to help make this event a success, and I am forever grateful.  100 plus people in one spot drinking, laughing, and celebrating one of your accomplishments....Yeah, it was a pretty great night.  And considering I also celebrated my birthday a few days ago, 29 is starting off pretty great.  I must admit that lately I have been feeling as if success is imminent.

In between picking up last minute things for the book release and enjoying the holiday with my family, I somehow had time last week to read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.  Let me start off by saying that I attempted to read this very book for  a scholarship over a decade ago, and I hadn't picked it up since...  However, it always seems like God knows how to put what you need in your face when you need it to help convey his message.

Lately, I have been experiencing a tingling in my soul that I can not explain.  A tingling that I can only explain as anticipation for unforeseen great things to come.  And with that tingling, my self doubt has been at an all time low.  Usually before a big event, I'm worried about whether everything is going to come together in time, will the turnout be bigger than the last event, will everyone have a good time, etc.  However, this time around it was almost like God was saying, "Be easy child, I got you."  I didn't stress when my book had to go back through re-editing, or when I didn't have books 2 days before the event, or even when my RSVPs exceeded the number of books that I had ordered.  I sometimes complain about not being able to "hear" God, but I can say that I am definitely feeling him.  And this time, I decided to be still and just let him lead.   And when I decided to sit back and just listen, that book that I couldn't relate to umpteen years ago started speaking life into my own.

I always feel like I need to be in control of everything that occurs and have a hard time sitting back and just allowing things to manifest.  In no way am I saying remain complacent and succumb to mediocrity, but learn to relinquish control over the things outside of our control and just trust that there are forces bigger than you at work.  I have cried and prayed over not finding a Counselor position for this school year, stressed over not knowing whether these books sales and reviews will surpass Fashionably Deceptive, and  secretly mourned for a man that was never mine.  And then out of nowhere, I began experiencing a calm that has yet to lift.  I'm starting to realize that the odds are not stacked against me and that maybe I haven't received some of the blessings that I knew were mine because those were not the blessings reserved for me.  Instead of pitying myself when things don't go according to "my" plan, I'm starting to realize that "his" plan includes some lessons, bumps, and bruises that are preparing me for the finale.  It's a hell of a feeling to be excited about blessings that you haven't even got yet but that you can feel on the horizon.

I no longer believe that fate controls my life and that I have to be content with mediocrity when blessings don't come when I want them.  I now know that it is because God knew I wasn't ready.  I no longer believe that God is allowing the devil to personally attack my blessings.  I now know that in order to realize your dreams, you must master your lessons as God has a tendency to test you on everything you should be learning along the way.  You can't get your penthouse if you are still struggling managing your apartment. You're not getting your Lance Gross, if you are still around here messing with..... (That was a holy shout moment, in case you missed it #thankmelater)

I am a work in progress.  I am still learning, still growing, still may fall short at times, but this tingling that I feel.... All I can say is #StayTuned

Trust Issues Part 2- The Ice Cold Edition

Him.  A constant motivator that keeps me on my toes and will not let me settle for mediocrity.  Him.  That push that I need when I start to doubt my talent, my integrity, my date with success.  Him.  The man that I want but am still too afraid of being hurt to let my guards down and just say the words, "I like you, I want you, let's see where this goes." Him.  The man that I will walk away from before I decide to be in competition with any other woman.

They say, "Matters of the heart can not be easily explained," and who am I to disagree with the statement that has dictated my love life.  Like many women, I struggle with being vulnerable and just allowing myself to let go and open up myself to love.  The thought of being heartbroken (again), even though it is seemingly inevitable, sends a chill through my spine like the frigid breeze of a winter morning.  My mouth says, "It is easier being single than to risk being wrong."  My heart says, "There is nothing like loving and being loved in return."  And then the childish part of my brain is like, "Bish you know it's about to get cold outside, and that bed is about to be really lonely."

These days, my fall back game is reminiscent of the social network memes that show the man falling back out out of the plane.  I've always been good at the initial walk aways.  I can ignore a phone call and text like nobody's business and still smile and give a one armed hug when I see you like it's all good. Yet, each time I've come back and allowed my forgiving spirit to intervene, the final verdict has never been in my favor.  And since experience is one of life's best lesson, this time I decided to fall back and not look back.  I thought "him" was the one, but I'm not interested in not being the only one trying to be the only one.  So until the next "him", it might be one of the coldest winters ever.  To be continued.......

I Want It All

When I look in the mirror, I see a woman conflicted by a million emotions.  A woman that wants it all, because she has worked for it, she has cried for it, she has been hurt for it, and because she feels like she deserves it.  I've never thought about 30 as much as I have over the past few months, and I don't even think it's because it is almost upon me, but more so, because I am over this 20s shit.  I have came, I have saw, and I have definitely conquered my 20's.  I have lived, baby, I have lived, and most weekends, I am still hanging from the chandeliers.  

30 seems to be looming as the ultimate deadline to have the bullshit out your system and to have your shit together, and I honestly don't know whether I'm progressing or regressing.  Most days I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, I still live life on an edge always chasing dreams, and I still lack the desire to fully commit myself to anything, let alone a relationship.  But I'm happy, lonely sometimes, but happy, unfilled with my career, but happy, financially irresponsible, but happy....

And it scares me...  I want to be happy, but not complacent.  Over the next year, I have so many mountains to cross in the form of state competency exams, book launches, making adult purchases like houses and big girl cars, etc..  So many milestones...  The second that I allow complacency to creep into my spirit, I will fail.  Everything that I plan to achieve over the course of the next year is going to require more of me, even more of God, and less of my rambunctious spirit that thrives on living life young, wild, and free. I have to get my shit together, I need to get my shit together.... I want my ideal career to fall into my lap, I want a man that loves my obnoxious self for me and one that I love just as much, I want my dream house, I want to make the Essence Best-Selling list, I want my family to get their shit together, I want to see the world, I want, I want, I want..  I want it all, and I am not willing to settle for anything less.  Just call me the girl that wants everything.

-Tonia






 

A Fashionable Revelation (Coming November 2014)

It is said that everything that is done in the dark will one day come to the light….

 

Jordan couldn’t be happier to find out that Chris is leaving the dope game.  However, that happiness is quickly replaced when Chris becomes more inattentive than ever leaving Jordan wondering whether she's the only woman holding the key to his heart. 

 

Pharris thought that she had found her soul mate in her fiance’ and is looking forward to graduation and moving in with her love.  Yet, everytime that she turns around his job at the hospital seems to be taking precedence over their relationship.  How many cancellations does it take before a wedding cancellation begins to loom on the horizon? 

 

After years of putting up with the cheating ways of her ex, football star, Dareon Anderson, Kayla has finally moved on and is enjoying life with Terry, who just happens to be Dareon’s half-brother.  Life couldn’t be better until Kayla discovers that one of her closest friends has been keeping a secret that is going to be one Fashionable Revelation. 

Trust Issues

I'm still trying to decide whether Drake and I are kindred spirits, because it seems that so many of his lyrics are reflective of my life. I'm out here living dreams and Drake lyrics and more often than not refuse to slow down long enough to let my mind catch up with my body and my heart with my mind.

I'm beginning to despise the question, "Why are you still single," because the harsh reality is that anyone that knows me knows why I'm still single. I'm stubborn, I'm selfish, often times irrational and live in a world where everything is centered around me. Most days I'm fine with my self imposed "singleness" and the freedom to do what and "who" I want when I want, but once every blue moon someone creeps into my life and throws off my balance.

The difference between me and most women is that I embrace my flaws and my shortcomings. I accept them as part of my being and while I recognize that some things about me are due for change, I know who I am. There is nothing you can tell me about myself that I don't already know. Am I crazy? Sometimes. Am I a mean girl? Sometimes. But will I give you the shirt off my back? Anytime. I am me and have been me for so long that me is the only person that I know how to be. And it doesn't help that I'm a part time loner that has no problem ostracizing themselves from the world just because...hence the reason that most days I am fine being single and without "one" significant other to bide my time.

And then that once every blue moon hits, and he comes along. Who is he? He is the one man out of every ten that causes my pedestal to tilt and my emotions to make me land flat on my ass. I'm never prepared for him or how to deal with him and the "me" that I have become accustomed to ceases to exist. My eyes stop wandering so much and all of a sudden, everybody is subconsciously compared to him. But this time, that "him" is my friend. And I don't trust myself to just let my guards down, lay all my cards on the table, and just see if maybe he's the one....I'm not willing to lose my friend, but am I willing to risk losing him to someone else?  

"Tell me how the fuck we supposed to stay friends when we got a bunch of feelings that we don't show." - Drake

To be continued .....

Fear of Falling

It has been over a year since the launch of my debut novel, Fashionably Deceptive, and I vowed to not be the author that takes decades to release their sequel (especially since the sequel has already been written), but yet, I have somehow ended up in that boat. 

Every email from an awaiting fan pulls on my heartstrings and causes a case of nostalgia to creep into my spirit.  On top of being a writer, I have a career in education, and as searching for a Counseling position becomes increasingly disheartening due to a lack of available positions and connects, I find the date of my next book release being pushed further and further into oblivion.

My days and nightmares have become consumed with updating cover letters, printing out resumes, and submitting applications.  The thought of remaining stagnant causes dry heaves and a throbbing headache that does not subside for hours. 

I can admit that my spirituality and faith sometimes come under questioning, rightfully so. I can also admit that I don't know or understand what's next in my journey ... I'm over qualified, more than competent, a decent person, and know that I could and would make a difference if given the opportunity in a new position ... God, please lead my footsteps, because I'm okay with admitting I don't know what you want from me. 

I feel lost in an abyss, sailing through a sea of grey, when my mind can only understand black and white. Speak to me God.... I'm listening. 

GIVEAWAY: Win 5 autographed Fashionably Deceptive novels along with a Fashionably Deceptive t-shirt!

Greetings Readers,

As I prepare to launch my new website, I will be giving away 5 autographed Fashionably Deceptive novels along with a Fashionably Deceptive t-shirt.  In order to win, all that you have to do is make sure that you are following my ToniatheAuthor Facebook Fan page, Twitter, and Instagram account. The links are below:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The contest rules and deadlines are below.  Good Luck!

Fashionably Deceptive Contest Rules

1. In order to win, contestants must be following the ToniatheAuthor Facebook Fan Page, Instagram, and Twitter accounts.
2. There will be five winners, and each winner will receive an autographed Fashionably Deceptive novel and a t-shirt.  Winners will be chosen randomly.  The more accounts you follow, the more of a chance you have to win.
3. The contest will start on Sunday, April 6th and end on Sunday, April 13th.
4. The winners will be announced via social media on Monday, April 14th.

The Law of Attraction

“When you concentrate your energy purposely on the future possibility that you aspire to realize, your energy is passed on to it and makes it attracted to you with a force stronger than the one you directed towards it.”  - Steven Richards

Do you believe in the law of attraction?  Is it possible that our mind is so powerful that our perceptions can become reality?  Does your negative thinking have a negative impact on your life?  Do the rich and successful stay rich and successful because they wholeheartedly believe in their abilities?

The world's best kept secret, the law of attraction, is not really a secret anymore.  If you have not read the book or watched the movie, The Secret, the chances are great that you have probably heard of it.  According to the ideology behind this self help book pinned by Rhonda Byrne, positive thinking can create increased wealth, health, and happiness.  Byrne believes and promotes a three step creative process for accomplishing your goals: Ask, Believe, and Recieve. 

"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matthew 21:22)

Gratitude and visualization are the two powerful processes behind the Law of Attraction.  Be grateful for the things that you have yet to recieve and visualize these achievements into existence.

For example:  Let's say that you are seeking a job promotion.  According to the Law of Attraction, by having positive thoughts about that promotion and being grateful like its already obtained will spread that energy into the air.  Start preparing yourself for that promotion, and the law of attraction will rearrange events in your life to make that happen.  In laments terms, claim your heart desires, believe in your goals and abilities, and they will manifest themselves in your favor.

So the question becomes, it is because we doubt ourselves and our ability that we are not able to accomplish our goals?  Is it the negativity that we put into the air that inhibits our accomplishments?  Is it that many successful people are arrogant and cocky, or is it that they've realized that believing in yourself draws success into your life? 

Many pastors have preached about the power in the tongue, having faith, and not speaking negativity into existence.  In my mind, this is the same concept as The Law of Attraction.  Many times we diminish our values with our self doubt.  "I think I can get this job promotion, but I know there are many other people more qualified than I am.  I want to buy a house next year, but I probably will not be qualified.  I want to fall in love, but all men are the same.  I would like to travel more, but I don't have the time or money."

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” -J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

I am sure that I am not the only one guilty of questioning their ability.  I have realized that I am qualified in several areas, well-educated, and fairly competent.  However, I find myself using that "but" rationale frequently.  Example:  "I would start applying for school counseling jobs in other districts, but we just got this new pay raise."  Between my content with consistency and fear of failure, I have allowed myself to remain stagnant in not only my career, but also my personal life.   Let's not forget that it took 7 years for me to publish my first novel, Fashionably Deceptive.  However, I am slowly trying to alleviate the word "but" from my vocabulary.  When there are goals and dreams that you feel destined to achieve, there should be no "buts" about what God has for you.  The word "but" negates everything that came before it. 

The Law of Attraction almost sounds to simple to be realistic, but how many of us can actually believe in our heart's desires without allowing that evil thing called self-doubt to creep into your mind?  Let's try it.  Think about something that you want more than anything in this world.  Now, that you have that pictured, did reasons why you can't recieve or accomplish that thing also seep into your mind right behind it?  More than likely, the answer is yes. 

I'm striving to become more mindful of the negativity that I speak from my mouth and/or think in my head in regards to my achievements. I've found an accountability partner/motivator to help correct my vision when I start throwing around that nasty word "but" around or not believing that my dreams and goals will/can manifest themselves. 

"Because you have little faith," he said. "I assure you that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Go from here to there,' and it will go. There will be nothing that you can't do." (Matthew 17:20)

Even the bible states that your belief in yourself is strong enough to move mountains.  And I would like to think that these mountains are really just the different types of adversity that you sometimes have to face in the pursuit of happiness.

The biggest fan that you have, besides God, that has the biggest impact over your life is YOU.  If you don't believe in yourself, who will.  As my college roommate once said, "If I don't lie to me, who will?"  Start believing in your competency, abilities, and the blessings that are set forth for you, and you would be surprised in the things that can happen.  Keep doubting yourself and you will keep getting the same thing you've been getting.  At the end of the day, even if the Law of Attraction is just merely a myth, a positive outlook on life almost always leads to happiness anyway. 

“Cultivate an optimistic mind, use your imagination, always consider alternatives, and dare to believe that you can make possible what others think is impossible.”  -Rodolfo Costa

-Tonia
photo credit: devilicious.symphonick via photopin cc

20 Things You Don't Know About Me

1. I am a free spirit that loves artistic creativity and am extremely fond of body art.  I will one day be the super sophisticated therapist that removes her trendy blazer and has a full tattoo sleeve.

2. I am slightly egotistical.  Even though I try really hard to understand thoughts and viewpoints that are vastly different from my own, most of the times I just don't get it and won't pretend to.

3.  I wrote Fashionably Deceptive when I was 21 years old, however, I did not publish it until 7 years later.

4. I have not yet grasped the concept of think before you speak and have had to apologize more than once for the not so nice things that come out of my mouth.

5. Even though I can't carry a tune in a bag, I still aspire to be a singer one day.

6.  I have a Masters Degree in Counseling and am currently working towards opening my own private practice. (Don't worry, your secrets won't end up in my next novel)

7.  My next two and a half novels are already written, including the sequel to Fashionably Deceptive, but I have had to make significant updates due to the fact that they were finished years ago.

8.  I am super shy and often come off as being stuck-up and super bitchy, when really I am just waiting for you to talk to me.

9.  I value consistency in my relationships more than love and compromise, which is often the reason that most of them have met their demise.

10.  Somewhere really deep down I am a fitness guru, and I am waiting for the moment to emerge from my cocoon.  (Well really this just means I like thinking about working out and being summer time fine more than I like going to the gym)

11. I am a fashion enthusiast and firmly believe that money can buy me happiness.  I've never stayed sad when I have the means to shop.  It's called retail therapy, duh, but most of us just can't afford it.  You can't compare unhappy celebrities to me, because I'm actually happy most days and usually only sad when I spend my bill money at Asos. (But I be cute tho)

12.  I'm addicted to the Sims and Pinterest.  Don't judge me.  Most artistic minds are slightly delusional and who doesn't want to play God with beings of their own creation and plan their wedding and Vintage Chanel wardrobe even though they're on government salary and single.

13. I don't eat ethnic foods: Chinese, Ethiopian, Thai, Lebanese, etc.

14.  My weakness is men with perfect teeth that smell nice and wear designer shoes.

15.  I have a list of places in the world that I want to visit before I have kids, because I plan on allowing my world to revolve solely around my little people whenever they make their appearance.

16.  I keep a notepad on my nightstand because I often wake up in the middle of the night with ideas that I want to commit to paper before I forget them the next morning.

17.  I have severe insomnia because I can never seem to wind down before bed.  My mind continues to run a mile a minute even when the lights are off and I'm laying in complete darkness.

18.  I am an activist for anyone that has an unfair disadvantage in society whether it be because of their religion, skin color, sexual orientation, disability, etc.  Hence, the reason that I volunteer with different agencies, like juvenile probation and the Montrose Center (Houston's GLBT Youth and Young Adult Facility), to make sure that I will be a well-rounded therapist with a plethora of resources.

19.  My name is pronounced Ta-Nia, not Tonya.

20.  I have severe ADD and have accomplished at least 10 other things while writing this post.

Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers Don't

Guilty as charged.  Out of the 100+ books that I have downloaded on my Kindle and/or have on my bookshelf, I have only left a review for maybe 10%.  My reviews, or lack thereof, does not attest to the quality of the book, and there are not any excuses that I can make for not taking 1-2 minutes to let these authors know my thoughts about their works of art.  I'm guilty, guilty as charged. 

So as an author, now that reviews matter, it is almost hypocritical of me to go into an uproar about the fact that out of 2000+ downloads, only 40 readers have left a review on Amazon.  So before I ask for change, it is imperative that I also begin to make changes by practicing this sermon that I'm about to preach.  Reviews are critical to the success of an author, especially a new, unestablished author.  It is reviews that help readers decide whether their $5 will be best spent buying a copy of Fashionably Deceptive or at their favorite fast food restaurant indulging in what they know will be satisfying. 

The old adage, "When you know better, you do better," is only fitting for this situation.  Until I became an

author, I never realized the importance of leaving feedback, especially positive feedback.  It is easier to voice a complaint about a negative appeal to your emotions than sometimes just writing in to say, "Job well done."  It is those job well dones that hold the key to sometimes lifting insecurities and validating that a person has chosen the right path.  I have a confession: Even to this day, I still check the reviews for Fashionably Deceptive multiple times per week, and it was those 4 and 5 star reviews that helped me keep my head up, when I got my first 1 star review.  That 1 star review was a blow to my ego and caused a lot of insecurities to attempt to resurface about whether I should continue writing and striving to become a best-selling author.   Yet, I did not allow negativity to prevail, and allowed the 4 and 5 star reviews that came before and after that to be my motivation.  And when I finally gained the courage to look at other reviews that had been left by that reviewer, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief when I saw that just about every review that she has ever given has been low.   I can't please everybody, and I try to remain mindful of the fact that my book has sensitive topics that may not appeal to all readers. 

I say all of this to encourage my readers to leave reviews. As I push for a publishing contract from a reputable publishing company, I would like for the reviews from readers to make my voice even louder.  If you have read Fashionably Deceptive, please leave your review.  If you have not read Fashionably Deceptive, read it and leave your review.  If you know someone that would enjoy Fashionably Deceptive, please encourage them to read it and leave their review.  Help me spread the word, and let's push for 100 reviews.  I can not do it without you!  Numbers don't lie.

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- Tonia