You know your OCD friend that always stresses over everything and can't seem to function until every detail is in place.... Well, I am that OCD friend. I have a checklist that stretches to the floor of things that need to be done by the book release date, and I am unable to check any of them off at a fast enough rate to make the butterflies in my stomach take a permanent nap.
June 29th will be one of the biggest days of my life, unless I somehow get married within the next month to my fiance that has yet to exist. Yet, as excited as I am, my stomach and my heart are in emotional turmoil worried that something is going to go wrong and spoil "my day." Again, my fear of failure begins to overshadow my desire for success. But just when I feel like I should push back my date and try this journey again when I'm ready, God shows up and shows out like he has the tendency to do in the midst of doubt.
While sitting reviewing my list of things that have yet to be done, I recieved a text from my brother of bible study notes from yesterday. The very first line of those notes read:
Do the ridiculous (follow your dream).
In that moment, my heart smiled because I realize that I am doing the ridiculous in following my dreams, instead of allowing myself to remain content in a career that no longer instills joy. And following that phrase were these powerful points:
1. Don't fear.
2. Don't fret.
3. Don't faint.
4. Don't forget.
"You think you're waiting on him, but he's been waiting on you."
There are many times that we sit and wait for God to answer our prayers, when all that he wants us to do is meet him halfway. You don't appreciate anything that you haven't worked for and shed sweat, blood, and tears to accomplish, so in knowing that I should know that I need to keep my eye on the prize and keep pushing. And as if God knew that I still needed an additional push to get me out of my slump, I called the club owner of the venue for my after party and realized just how easy some things are going to be because of the people that have been placed in my life. I called him to figure out just what else I needed to add to my ever growing list, and instead of having to pull out my Ipad, I was politely, yet sternly told, the only thing you need to worry about is showing up.
Every now and then I have to remember that serenity can come through prayer and ask God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. June 29th is going to be the phenomenal day that it is supposed to be, and if you don't believe me just watch.